A few weeks ago, Noah and I were back in the ER. He'd spiked a fever of 104F (about 40 C for you properly-educated Canadians) after tylenol, so we brought him in to get checked out.
The registration clerk took down our particulars and sent us over to see the triage nurse. She was fantastic - giving Noah bubbles to play with (i.e. eat) and engaging him while she collected his medical history.
Inevitably, the question of his early days and prenatal history came up, and I filled the nurse in on relevant parts of our adoption story.
We were sent back to the clerk to have a few more details added. At that point she asked for a contact number.
"Can I have his mother's full name, address and phone number?"
"Yes, I'm Sarah Reid, and my address and phone number are the same as what I've given you already."
She stared blankly at me for a few minutes. "It says here he's adopted. I need the contact info for his MOTHER. That's the policy. We need to contact her if something comes up later on." She smiled (at least, I think it was a smile).
It was a good thing for her I had a roasting toddler in my arms, because it shielded my outrage a little. "Noah has a birth mother. And I am his mother through adoption. Put my name down as the contact." (I carried on silently "before I reach across that desk and give you a personal info session on adoption and roles and what NOT to say to a stressed out mom in an emergency room.")
"Well, I know, but the form says I need his... you know, his real mother's information..." she started faltering. "But maybe you don't know it."
That was it. "Hi. I'm Sarah. This is my son Noah. I'm checking him into your hospital. You need a contact person, preferrably his mother. Hurray! That's me."
I then spelled my name for her and waited for the low-wattage lightbulb above her head to turn on.... it never did.
I went back to the waiting room and sat amongst the bleeding and the barfing and wondered briefly how many other adoptive families this woman had offended. Then I took care of my son.
On my to-do list: draft a form letter for medical professionals about the roles and responsibilities of adoptive, foster and birth parents, and mail 20 copies to my local hospital, attention admitting department.
4 comments:
You HAVE to be kidding me right? This did not happen! Shocking this can not be, who doesnt understand at least the basics of adoption-completely unacceptable! This woman must have grown up behind a rock. This is the some kinda crazy!
I really don't know what was going on except mass confusion for her. My feeling is she may have not understood what adoption was in the most general sense. She's getting a letter this week, though!!!
Could it even be that she had like mass confusion-or like over tired and had a brain melt down? In 2010 with main stream media, adoption is a pretty basic concept - every celeb has adopted, and every tv show, or movie has a story line or two. The only other option is predjudice, and or ignorence. You handled it well though. I am still waiting for a placement and all ready have to watch myself from jumping down someones throat when they make a ignorant statement about adopting. Most of the time it is people just not thinking, however it does make your blood boil. As a teenager I nannied a brother and sister who where trans-racially adopted. And all the time people would stop and ask if they were "real" brother and sister. And I would say well they are not "fake" brother and sister so they must be real. (all ways within the childrens earshot)and then most times embarrased they would quickly say well that's not what I ment. And then I would reply well thats what you said.
She needs the letter and that talking to you all most gave her!
Cheers!
That is crazy! But most likely not an isolated incident. I am reading a great book, called I'm Chocolate and You're Vanilla and it has excellent observations as to the absurdness (is that a word) of some adults questions and our reactions as parents. Now I am know what is supposed to be the reaction but I know for me it would not have been pretty...still working really hard on not saying exactly what I am thinking LOL.
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